Nicki’s life was turnt upside down after her then-husband suffered a heart attack in 2017. Now, she has helped other widowers find their ‘chapter two’
“Andy was a chapter in my story; he wasn’t the end.” Those are the words Nicki Wake had to tell herself as she found love again after losing her husband.
Her husband, Andy, whom she wed in 2007 and with whom she has a son, Finn, died in 2020. Three years earlier, in 2017, he suffered two heart attacks in the space of three days.
For those three years, Andy required 24-hour, round-the-clock care. He died in 2020, during the COVID pandemic.
Nicki, who lived in Islington, told MyLondon: “The doctors told me that my story doesn’t have a happy ending. He was profoundly and completely disabled. When COVID hit the headlines, and I lost him, my world imploded. It led to a very dark three-year period in my life.
“Eventually, I found some support from people who helped widows, and they became some of my new best friends. It was during those conversations that people started talking about meeting their ‘chapter two’. What they meant was that they wanted to find their next significant relationship and had started dating again; I thought maybe it was time for me to do the same.”
Nicki found support from fellow widows at a group called Widowed and Young. She also created her own platform, the Widowed Collective, a national peer-to-peer support network that helps widowed people navigate life after loss.
When it came to dating, she tried to use modern methods, such as apps. She downloaded Tinder but couldn’t find people who understood what she was going through. She thought there must be an app for widows and widowers, but to her surprise, there were none.
That is what led her to create Chapter2dating, a dating app for widows and widowers looking for a serious relationship. She also created WidowsFire, a sister app to Chapter2, a platform for those seeking no-strings-attached intimacy rather than a serious relationship.
“I shared a bed for 20 years with my husband, and it was ripped away from me. In the end, we are all humans, and we do deserve a second chance at happiness and joy.
“It is normal to crave comfort, crave sex after grief and loss. I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, but I was craving that. You’re aching for physical connection and touch, and that is completely natural.
“The response from the widowed community has been overwhelmingly positive. I think they are grateful for a place they can explore dating after loss in a safe, secure and supportive environment.”
On both apps, she has 25,000 users across four countries: the UK, the US, Canada, and Australia. It has produced a number of success stories so far, with marriages, engagements, and even children born from relationships formed through the apps. Nicki herself found her “second chance” through her own app.
She said: “I met my now-partner Dan on WidowsFire. At first, we were just looking to address our intimacy issues, but it developed into something serious.
“We’ve been together 10 months now and we’re happy. I’m very much in love. I’m planning a very positive future with someone who’s also experienced pain and loss.
“As widows, you have a live-for-the-moment attitude. You want to grasp every joy, every moment, because we know that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and we have to make the best of today.
“My son Finn has been nothing but supportive of my journey. He is about to go off to university in London, and he and Dan get on. Both our families are now blended. I think families struggled with the idea of parents moving on, but it’s not that; we are moving forward. I never wanted to lose Andy but what I have done is try to make the very best of the cards that life has dealt me.”
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